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Exactly what I thought…

Thought Catalog

There is no foolproof way to handle love. There’s no comprehensive how-to guide, no universal relationship manual despite the overabundance of relationship manuals. All the mantras and philosophies are basically just suggestions, things that have statistically, occasionally, worked for other people. People can impart good insight but no one can singlehandedly puzzle out you and your partner’s unique brand of insanity. It’s a long road you essentially travel alone so you might as well hold hands.

Young love has nothing to do with age, though it is typically attributed to teenagers because adults are presumed to know better. But they don’t. We don’t. Young love is consumption, the one thing at the forefront of your mind, the singular essence that electrifies your blood flow and the cloud of flies that obscures the sun. This is a thing that happens and even though we’re less susceptible, we’re not immune.

Young love…

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Truest truth! he’s not a keeper.

As hurtful as it is to let the feelings and memories go, I MUST.

Its not worth it. Less than 5% of all the memories really are truly sincere. The rest is fake.

I hate him. Maybe.. Even now, that kind of feeling is still a privilege for him.

I think after this, I will be totally oblivious to anything about him, I feel it in my belly. I even not sure now, whether still I include him in my prayer every after Salat as usual or not? hagz..

Even if I am tearing up as I write this down, its because I pity myself for being such an idiot.

Nooo, I am not regretting what had happened between us. Its just.. it hurts more, when I know that I disappointed myself. That what I’ve been doing is so far from lady-like.

(From this line onwards, I am not crying anymore)

Thank God I talk to his friends. Now its all clear. Truths unfold.

I still have little pity feeling towards him tho, that he must be watched over. That he is a child with all the restless-ness, timid, egoistic spoiled jerk and he doesnt know what kind of wound it will caused to people around him, and eventually karma to himself.

But don’t tell me I never told him. I’ve tried. And now its not my business anymore. Well, maybe it was never been my business from the very beginning and never meant to be.

Gosh I feel like unfriend him on Facebook and unfollow him on Twitter now. Hahaha… I will! (#brb unfollow him on Twitter)

Done! and I am smiling while doing it.. 🙂

I dont think Whitney Houston “I Will Always Love You” will comply here. He never open his heart to be loved. He hasnt meet that woman yet. I WILL NOT love him again after this. Its just that. It was deep… really deep.. if not, it would not be this hurt.

I fell in love with a total jerk. And I feel that love. And eventhough for the shortest time period possible, I was loved. I also know now how to love someone because of someone. It was a great lesson and I thank you and Allah for that. I was happy.. Never been happier with someone else. It was the happiest moment of my 22 years of life. Even if its only the idiotic happiness, but I WAS happy.

Maybe I will fell that disgust feeling towards meself if I remember what we’ve been through.. But its just a phase. 

Now I must dressed up and prepare myself to meet my Mr. President 🙂

So long, farewell.. and.. Good bye!

Thought Catalog

Love is real, real is love. John Lennon
Love is a friendship set to music. Joseph Campbell
The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. Thich Nhat Hanh
Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. James Baldwin
Love is now, is always. All that is missing is the coup de grâce — which is called passion. Clarice Lispector
when you love someone / you are scared of getting hurt / and you will get hurt Brandon Scott Gorrell
And now we’re apart and you’re just some stranger who knows all my secrets and all my family members and all my quirks and flaws and it doesn’t make sense. Gaby Dunn
He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But…

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I dont know whether I need to start noticing these signs or even starting one of these signs to get the change of myself started.. Guess the latter is the better asnwer..

Thought Catalog

You know your life’s about to change when you’re nostalgic for the post-college haze, jaywalking with a backpack and a wedgie. You miss those first days doing breaststroke through the dirtiest streets in the world, throat dry from particle pollutants.

When a friend you once coached through an existential crisis as she stood there with a bloody nose bccs you on something that starts with, “As some of you know, I’m moving on to HBS, and I couldn’t be more excited!! As the curtain closes on my time in New York, I’d love to…”

When you start saving money, and keeping it.

When everything becomes a metaphor. Walking down a long sidewalk becomes a big juicy Choice that makes you stand there in the middle of the sidewalk with your eyes watering.

When you stop masturbating.

When you start to cook with herbs. When you can tell the difference between…

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This time, my weekend start earlier.

On friday morning, the atmosphere of weekend was so strong, I even forget now what I did for the whole friday afternoon. Hagz..

It was a big day for our new villa. Yes, Contenga now has 6 villa!! And last friday was the house-swrming party of villa 6!! in the morning, we got these cute little dino doll with papers on our desks, written on it “Redeem for beers/brewski @ villa 6”. We had a, yeah, pretty fun chitchat on villa  6 after dinner. Not so party though, i guess thats because we pretty much saving energy for the later night. YES! we’re having SKY GARDEN TIIIMMMEE!!!

It was 10 (or 11 O_o) of us. Highlight is Babeh was joining us!! wohooo! despite of his gastritic abnormality that day, he came to Sky (and of course only drink water :-P).

Sky was soo crowded, and as usual, I was having my me-time, dancing on the table at the rooftop bar. Oh wait! I havent told you about the free tequila??! Yes we had FREEFLOW! haha.. I only took 1 glass tho, and I dont even drink it all. not so fond of it.. bleh..

Putu and his friend, Dimas, was coming too.. So I went back and forth to them and PH gang.. Long story short, yes the night was as crazy as usual.. and I went home early. We left Sky before 2 (good girl.. ;-P no its actually because Kira, Andrea, had to wake up early to go the beach)..

The highlight is the conversation we (me, MbInten, andrea, Kira, herbert) had on our way home.. hihihi… All the restless-ness (in Bahasa its Kegalauan ;-p) were up in the air.. From Karl went home early, leaving Andrea JUST LIKE THAT because she was smoking.. Kira’s asshole who rejected her kind invitation to dance.. and that biatch whom we speculate, and me guessing at the very first time I met her in the Sky, was aiming for Babe..Mbak Inten words were “she wants to DO Babe” ahahahaha.. There’s another secret though, but I cant tell you. I gave my word to this person. All and all, I am really happy I finally get closer with my girls..

It was a lazy Saturday, and Al was kind enough to took me to buy Jumpsuit for rara. After searching and searching and haggling (and I am really sucks at it) we finally got the jumpsuit and just get back to PH to watched Running Man and do a little – and I mean really little – brainstorm.

Intro to next day’s highlight: Nisa that night was exceptionally restless..

So I woke up the next day with Nisa’s chat on Line and mention on twitter: she need us. I hurried to Transarbagita and said I’ll meet her around Simpang Siur. And there she was… The story of I think, most of girls will experience..

I cant really tell you the whole story.. In a nutshell,Nisa met that one type of men: Jerk! (the other is Gay, a friendly reminder ;-p) . Tried to make a move on her, and cheating on his Family, yes FAMILY.. gross! IKR?! The whole story remind me of my story myself. With him and one other guy. I completely can put my self on her shoes. She’s literally crushed that day.. But girl, its just one phase you got to go through. you’ll be stronger after this. and its tru! That day, we went to salon and she had a nice hair spa. We also went to Carefour to buy shoes (she pre-order it before) and had a lax dinner on the foodcourt.  Thank God, her mood came back. 😉

I suggested we go to InulVista to have a nice karaoke session with my free voucher (which turned out cant be used on Sunday! biatch, it IS clearly written we can use it on Sunday.. ggrrr…) I asked her to call Angga ;;) and Hizkia.. and Putu and Al of course. So we met at the karaoke and had a crazy karaoke session with opera song and those other song of Destinys Child, Celine Dion, Evanescene, Linkin Park, and yeaahhh the rest.. hahahha.. Shitty, the karaoke session was closed with Its All Coming Back to me Now by Celine D. hhuuuurrrr…. totally my song.

oh, Angga didnt make it by the way huks..  But Hizkia brought this half-guy (he said it himself) Aya – which I called Ayang because I misheard his name when we were introducing each other hagz. We had a late night supper at nasi gandul Giant Libby and had a great, full of laugh chats. Hizkia and Aya were totally fun! Well, yeah I met Hizkia before, but that night we’re just getting closer..  Its always nice to grow your circle. 😉

Bowling and New Villa

Had too much hedon and vacation during weekend apparently can wear you out.

So yeah, I decided to spend my weekend with some me-time (make it me-internet-running man time) in my office. I woke up at 11 am on saturday and went straight to office and had a NICE bath.. haha.. No one to take me out either.. Al was busy with his cousins, Putu with his family, Nisa was working. Om was out too with some girls (he definitely is not an Indoor creature anymore ;-p)

So I spent the whole saturday in my own workspace, laughing hard to idk, 7-8 episode of Running Man. But yes, I felt lonely. Even then, the one I thought of is still You Know Who.. How nice it would be if I can call him, or text him, or chat him out of the blue just so we can talk and I wouldn’t be so lonely that night. Well well well, long story short about my galau-ness, I skyped Deo and we had a pretty fun time :-). He told me stories about his new crush (whom turned out to be a daughter of a mafia-like person hahahaha) and one and other things. So that night, after the call, I went home at 12am or so.

And.. There was one episode of RM in which the casts played bowling in one scene.. So it kinda reminds me of my senior high years where I used to play biliard with my friends, while waiting for the bowling venue to open. So I marked my agenda and promised my self that I will have a bowling session on the next day.. jejejeje~~~~

On Sunday, I told Al about the bowling thingy and as expected, he said Yes!. So we went to Paradiso Bowling in Kuta (Kartika Plaza) with Om and Nisa and we played 2 games. I still craved for some more, but maybe next time, said Al. Because we had to go to Al’s uncle villa in Uluwatu, GWK, so we must hurry before it gets to dark.

The villa was marvelous! Since it was located in high-land of Uluwatu, you get this perfect view of Kuta Beach and Denpasar City. The name if villa again is Tigadis Villa. It shouldnt be hard to find. Go straight in Uluwatu Street (the one you take if you want to go to Karma Kandara) and turn left in a small, white, rocky alley just right after Pepito Markt. Just follow the road, you cant miss it, its on your right. Well, Al and Nisa and some of Nisa’s friends will spend their time there, during the Nyepi ceremony and holiday.

Currently Tigadis only have 5 room I suppose, but they’re expanding. The landmark would be the swimming pool with direct view to the city down below.. Oh I hate my self, even in the nice beautiful spot like that, I still imagining useless things such as You Know Who. 

We left the villa a bit in a hurry, because its 8pm already. We stopped at Pepito, wanted to check the Times Book Store which turned out to be only a magazine corner at the market ~____~. Bought some sandwiches and salad at 50% price to take away, because Al and Nisa were impulsively wanted to watch Rectoverso (ugh, I never liked it since the beginning actually)

So Om drove like crazy to Galleria and we watched Rectoverso. Dee’s story was actually great with all the ironies and the philosophy. I think its just the script and the movie that is soooooo NOOOOT GOOOD. Even the so-called romantic “the Unspeakable Love” titled movie couldn’t make me cry (me with all my galau-ness O_o). I my self really like the endings though.

Well yeah this is my weekend. Had the idea to write all the blabbering down from Nisa actually. I learn to write. Think it’ll help me release some idk, stuff, crumbled in my mind. Also to train my brain in some way. We promise anyway, next time when we hang out together, it should become some productive-hang out, where we will brainstorm about ideas on some project or business potentials. Yes, I still have that dream 🙂




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